Reese Witherspoon and Ina Garten Talk 2022 Goals on Instagram

A friendly social media debate between two beloved celebrities has sparked exactly the self-care conversation we all might be needing right now.

The actor Reese Witherspoon revealed in a video to her 27 million followers via Instagram Monday: “I’ve been thinking a lot about habits lately.” Witherspoon elaborated, sharing in the post the daily habits she’s “working toward”:

“Start the day with a big glass of water.
Get 10 mins of outdoor light. @Hubermanlab recommends morning light.
Spend 30–60 mins reading without distraction every day.
In bed by 10 p.m. *No late night TV binges. Try to get 8 hours of rest!”

On Witherspoon’s post, Ina Garten, author of the Barefoot Contessa cookbook series and a celebrity chef, commented and detailed her own set of new-year aspirations: “That sounds great but I’m probably not doing any of those things! LOL!! My formula is easier to follow: 1. Drink more large cosmos, 2. Stay up late watching addictive streaming series, 3. Stay in bed in the morning playing Sudoku instead of reading a good book, 4. Spend more time (safely) with people you love. In a pandemic, I do what I can!”

(In case you missed it, Garten posted a video in the early days of the pandemic, April 1, 2020, of herself making her choice cosmo.)

While Garten’s response appears to be all in good fun (she closed the post with three heart emoji and has jested with Witherspoon in previous Instagram posts), the conversation makes an important point about self-care, according to the behavior-change expert and psychologist Seth Gillihan, PhD, author of The CBT Deck: 101 Practices to Improve Thoughts, Be in the Moment, and Take Action in Your Life. And it’s that self-care looks different on all of us, and there’s no one right or wrong way to do it.

“No one is in a better position to take care of ourselves than we are,” Gillihan says. “And if our goals are based on things we actually care about in life — work, relationships, spiritual connection, social change — versus what we think others want or expect from us, they can be great,” Dr. Gillihan says.

Self-Care Is All About Balance

Self-care is everything you do to tend to your physical and emotional health in the ways you are best able to do so.

It’s fairly easy to see why the daily habits Witherspoon says she’s striving for promote physical and emotional health. Research consistently shows that staying hydrated, getting outside, and getting plenty of sleep are good for short- and long-term health and well-being.

But sometimes, self-care can look like forgoing what are usually healthy habits and taking care of other needs, Gillihan explains. Sometimes self-care looks like sleeping in a little later than usual or taking a mental health day because you’re feeling like you need some extra time to yourself, he says.

Garten’s post outlines some alternative ways she may be taking care of her physical and emotional needs right now. After all, there are also proven benefits to playing word games and spending time with friends, family, and those you care about.

That’s not to say that everything and anything can count as self-care. When it comes to Garten’s reference to enjoying more large cocktails, for instance, remember that drinking too much comes with very real health risks.

But self-care is about balance. You should feel a sense of autonomy when it comes to self-care and choosing what your self-care needs are, Gillihan says. It shouldn’t feel punitive, he explains. “You shouldn’t be sentencing yourself to more than you're willing to do.”

It might look different, for instance, over the holidays when we might be spending more time socializing than usual. Each of us may change up our self-care routines depending on the day or season. And that’s okay.

Self-Care Needs to Feel Approachable and Flexible

The other big takeaway from Witherspoon’s and Garten’s conversation is that self-care should feel approachable and flexible, not intimidating and rigid, Gillihan says. If your self-care routine looks like a list of aspirations that are totally out of reach, you’re probably setting yourself up for failure.

If goals feel too lofty, instead focus on one at a time (pick something that you care about and is important to you), and define small, consistent steps you can start taking toward each one, Gillihan says.

And leave room for error. Remember, no one is perfect 100 percent of the time; we’re not machines.

For example, maybe you've set a self-care goal of completing a 30-day yoga challenge. If you come down with a cold in the middle of the challenge, give yourself permission to skip a day or put the challenge on pause for a day or more to allow your body to recuperate, rather than plodding along and potentially preventing your body from recovering from whatever illness you’re fighting off. “You probably end up feeling worse after it than before, meaning what started as an earnest effort at self-care turned into a punishing experience,” Gillihan says.