7 Ways to Support Your Kid While Waiting for Their First Therapy Appointment

If you have a child who’s struggling emotionally right now, you’re not alone.

“I've been in the field for almost 25 years, and I've never seen the level of complexity and hurt that we're seeing right now,” says Jenny Britton, LICSW, licensed therapist and chief clinical officer at Washburn Center for Children, a children’s mental health care provider in Minneapolis.

The most recent gold-standard survey on kids' mental health, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's (CDC) Youth Risk Behavior Survey, found that more than 4 in 10 (42 percent) of a national sample of high schoolers said they were so sad or hopeless they had trouble with daily activities because of how they felt. That’s a 50 percent increase from a decade ago.

Therapists and other mental health care providers are scrambling to keep up with the surge in need. Top-level organizations, including the American Psychological Association and the American Academy of Pediatrics, are calling for increased capacity to care for kids. “Our systems are tapped,” says Britton.

As a result, experts say children and teens may end up waiting weeks or months to talk to a therapist. That’s a long time when you’re growing up, acknowledges Britton.

And that’s a long time for concerned parents and caregivers to wait, too.

Here are expert tips for what you can do at home to support your child (or a child you’re caring for) while waiting for that therapy appointment.

1. Shift Your Focus From Problem-Solving to Connection

It’s natural to go into problem-solving mode when your child tells you their concerns, but, if you can, try to stop yourself from giving advice. Instead, focus on connecting with your child, something that helps people of all ages thrive, says Khiela J. Holmes, PhD a licensed child psychologist who works with children, teens, young adults, and families at Birthing the Gifts in Little Rock, Arkansas, and Arkansas Families First in North Little Rock, Arkansas.

Active listening techniques, including validation, can help foster feelings of connection. You can say things like “I can see how that's hard for you,” “that sounds really tough,” and “I'm here with you,” suggests Dr. Holmes.

But don’t get too tripped up on the words, being there is the important part. “It’s not about being perfect, it’s about being present,” says Holmes.

2. Engage Without Trying to Change

A big part of parenting is teaching your child, but you can flip the script. Let your child invite you into their world. Get curious. Britton says you can ask your teen to explain TikTok or show you their top three videos.

Taking time to enjoy your child without trying to change them helps kids feel seen and heard, which leads to feelings of value and worth, explains Britton.

It also gives you a chance to be part of your child making meaning of their world, rather than them turning to unhelpful influences they may find elsewhere. “If we’re not engaged with our kids, they can go online and find somebody who is or to find someone who can reinforce a belief they might have about themselves or about the world,” says Britton.

3. Find the Light Moments When You Can

Being a child is serious right now, but laughter and play are important for kids to grow and develop, says Britton. Plus, research suggests that when parents are playful, kids have an easier time regulating their emotions (meaning they can manage their feelings in a way that’s situationally appropriate).

That’s why even if your child is having a hard time, it pays to prioritize playfulness. Find humor when you can. Notice what lights your child up. Moments of joy don’t have to be big to be meaningful. “If you can see the spark in your kid’s eyes and it's 30 seconds, that's a win,” says Britton.

4. Channel Calm — for You and Your Kid

Part of supporting your child’s mental health means doing what you need to to take care of your own.

Figure out how to channel calm for yourself, advises Holmes. Affirming mantras and belly breathing, for example, are great in-the-moment stress-busting options. If you have an activity you already do to take care of yourself — like dance, meditation, or attending church services — Britton says you can invite your child to join you (or if they don’t want to join you, just show them what you’re up to).

Research shows that kids can gain the ability to regulate their own emotions from being with you as you cope with typical ups and downs, and even from your calm body. “Coregulation [the term in psychology for this type of parental emotional support and modeling] can be powerful,” says Holmes.

5. When You Mess Up, Apologize and Reassure

“As caregivers, we're always going to have those moments where a kiddo walks in the room and we yell at them, or we don't have time,” says Britton. But kids, because of where they are developmentally, will tend to take these blips personally — especially if they believe part of your stress is because of them.

That’s why it’s critical to tell kids how you act isn’t their fault. If you notice it ahead of time, you can get out ahead of things. Explain you’re having a hard day and you’re trying, but your child might see you act short with them. Without this context, kids are apt to tell themselves a different story — thinking they’re the problem or are a burden — and internalize feelings of shame.

And if the inevitable happens and you snap? “Always go back,” says Britton. Apologies and reassurance can never be too late.

6. Stick to Routines — to a Point

It can be tempting to pull the plug on school or extracurriculars when your child is struggling, but Holmes and Britton say it’s generally best to stick to routines during a rough patch. Research supports the idea that kids have better mental health when they have structure in their lives. Predictable routines around eating, sleeping, movement, and connection are all great.

At the same time, if your child’s schedule is a source of pressure — say, they’re on a competitive dance team that’s tanking their self-esteem or body image — it’s okay to pause, adds Britton. Curiosity and asking questions can help you understand whether particular routines are healthy (or not) for your child.

7. Remain Hopeful That Things Will Get Better

If your child’s mental health is in a bad place, it might be hard to believe that things will ever get better. But it’s important to stay hopeful, says Holmes. Mental health treatment does help. It may take time, she says, but therapy can help your child have a better, more satisfying, and fulfilling quality of life.

But remember, says Holmes: “Safety is always most important.” If your child speaks or acts in a way that makes you concerned they might hurt themselves or someone else, you can dial the free national 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 24/7 for immediate help.

If you are actively in crisis and need immediate support, call 911. If you or someone you know is feeling hopeless or having suicidal thoughts, you can talk confidentially to a trained counselor by calling the toll-free, 24-hour Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling 988.